de-PRESS-ion the button!
Ever since becoming a Daddy for the first time I have experienced so many different emotions that have profoundly effected me; emotions that are found in everyday moments and manifest themselves as feelings; feelings of sheer joy, excitement, fear and doubt (mainly self doubt of am I good enough to be a daddy?) to pride where I feel I’m about to burst, to that emotion of looking at my baby boy and feeling like I’m about to flood with tears of what I can only describe as pure love.
The one emotion/feeling that I wasn’t expecting to feel, and seem to be feeling on a weekly basis at the moment is what I can only describe as depression.
Now I am a very positive person who is generally up beat about everything, occasionally I will see the negative in situations first, but after evaluating where I’m at I can generally see a way out.
Now depression is a massive subject that touches everyone at some stage in their life to some degree, some have small bouts and others unfortunately buy the whole farm!
Obviously as a man I didn’t go through the same hormonal changes and challenges during our pregnancy that my wife did, but I have still changed emotionally, and the slightest thing at the moment seems to be a hair trigger to make me feel like s*£t!
Take for example our laundry room. I, like many people at the moment have become a huge Mrs.Hinch fan and I ‘hinched’ the laundry room. It looked amazing, everything was organised and tidy. You could even see the floor!
Fast forward a few weeks it looks like a bomb has gone off! I’d love to say this is due to say this is down to some natural phenomena or paranormal entity but truth be told, I can’t keep a room tidy for more than a few weeks!! Honestly it’s the most annoying thing in the world!!
Now in an effort to help us budget better we are having a smart metre installed at the house today and of course, they needed to go into the laundry room. Bloody typical!!
Now my wife has been battling with some postnatal depression, which has been made worse by certain people and comments (enough said on that). She will admit that she has some good days and some bad; today was a good day until the laundry room.
Now I said that I have been feeling low and that I am depressed, well yes I am. Right now as I’m typing this I feel like I’m about to burst into tears. This is all due to a situation I find myself in at work. Work shouldn’t be like this.
I absolutely love my job, but it’s all down to one person with their comments and actions.
Now I have come to realisation that life is too short for people to make you feel like crap, we as parents have enough to deal with on a daily basis without others adding to our workload.
We will all have our good and bad days and taking it one day at a time is the way forward. Whatever you do, do not bottle it up. It will weigh you down and take a massive toll on you. It’s okay not to be okay. If you need to ,reach out to someone and talk about how you feel, even if that person is a complete stranger! As Bob Hoskins said ‘it’s good to talk!’
There are loads of parenting groups on Facebook that you can join, or even message a friend but most of all speak to those around you, because chances are they have been through the same situation!
Now for feeling low and depressed typing this and telling you how I feel has honestly made me feel great. As for the laundry room, well that can wait for another day when I’m feeling up to it.
Love DB x